NEWS (now with FACTS)

NEWS (Now with Facts)
Friday, February 03, 2006
The Anchorman


On his sixth state of the Union address delivered Tuesday, the president mysteriously forgot to discuss all of the horrible ways his administration has managed to screw up.

While elaborating on "human-animal" hybrids and steroid use in congress, the president surprisingly painted his administration in a positive light, avoiding the perception that 54% of Americans seem to have.

"The United States is strong and growing stronger?" said a confused Lewis Palininian, a Detroit unemployed auto-worker after being laid off by Ford. "Does this guy live in America?"

"It seems quite unusual," lamented political stratagist, William Fortrest. "He didn't mention Katrina, or the deficit, or growing insurgency in Iraq, or the fact that our troops are running dangerously thin, or anything that his mismanagement had done to weaken our county."

"Usually presidents are more than open in admiting that."

Reporting from Washington DC,
The Anchorman