NEWS (now with FACTS)

NEWS (Now with Facts)
Monday, January 16, 2006
The Anchorman

Despite being in control of the executive, house, and senate, Republicans have managed to spend more money that their Democratic counterparts (when they were in control), and have raised another high in debts, calling into question the legitimacy of the long time conservative stance against Big Government.

“Of course we are against big government,” said conservative big spender George Allen (R-VI), “…In theory, I mean.”

“As long as we control the three branches of the government, we will probably spend like drunken sailors. But if Democrats regain control and try to pass a bill helping the poor or disadvantaged, well more than likely raise hell,” said Allen.

Another form of Big Government conservatives have always, in theory, been against is unregulated watch dogging. “But now it would appear we don’t really care if ‘Big Government’ taps your phones without a court order, or arrests and holds you without charging you,” said another tax-and-spend conservative Wayne Allard (R-CO).“In theory, we believe that Government should stay out of your business…until we become the government, then we don’t really thing you should smoke pot or have an abortion.”

Democrats, former supporters of ‘Big Government’, in theory, have recently been trying to reduce the size of the government by leaps and bounds. Through the act of reducing the federal government’s role in assisted suicides, religious sponsorship, and personal choice that doesn’t appear to fall in like with Judeo-Christian values, Democrates have in essence become the new sponsors of conservatism. And the object of Micheal Moore’s wraith.

Reporting from Washington DC,
The Anchorman